Apparently the childhood rhyme, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me,” is far from true and you should especially watch your tongue when arguing with your hubby. According to WomansDay.com, here are the top five phrases that wives should erase the top five phrases that wives should erase from their vocabulary when having a spat with their partners.
- “You are just like your father,” is a big no-no, says psychotherapist Julie Orlov, author of The Pathway To Love, because it is “nasty and belittling, and it gets at his fear that he may be exhibiting the worst traits of his family.”
- Also unnecessarily hurtful is “My mother warned me you would do this,” because you are trying to validate your ‘side of the argument, as though you are marshaling an army to your side,” Orlov explains.
- Try to avoid blasting: “Just leave it, I’ll do it myself,” which can be interpreted as demeaning, says Judy Ford, psychotherapist and author of Every Day Love. “Sure, if he is about to hurt himself or break something kindly step in. But if he is just loading the dishwasher in a way that drives you nuts? Let it be.”
- Using the phrases: “You always…” or “You never…” sets up an “instant, negative tone,” says Ford. “They put the other person on the defensive.”
- Blurting out: “When are you going to find a new job?” could be one of the worst things to say of all. “Before you say anything that could be hurtful to him, think about what your own issues are,” says Ford. “Part of how a man evaluates himself is by how well he can take care of his family.”
Adds Ford: “Speaking kindly is a skill that couples have to learn. Everyone feels battered by life and the outside world. You should not feel that way at home.”