SOME THINGS MEN WANT TO KNOW ABOUT WOMEN has a list of ten things men want to know about women:

  1. Is she insecure?
    Does she talk incessantly about past relationships? Does each conversation eventually loop around to stories about “all the guys” she’s been with? You’d be better off staying home and watching the game.
  2. Is she one-dimensional?
    If your date can’t stop talking about her job, graduate courses or latest workout plan, you’ll be looking at your watch and feigning an illness within the hour.
  3. Art house or frat house?
    What books and movies does she like? If she wrote her dissertation on Chaucer and you spent the majority of your academic career passed out on a beer-stained sofa – she may not be the girl for you. Do her a favor and move on.
  4. To dance or not to dance?
    Believe it or not, this is a major point of contention. If you’re like me and the idea of getting your groove on leaves your knees trembling and palms sweating like a nervous schoolboy, either find a girl who values conversation or start practicing in your apartment with the blinds closed.
  5. Does she think I’m funny?
    Check out past e-mails or jog your memory to see if she has responded well to your particular brand of humor. And yes, our egos are huge and delicate – we’re working on it.
  6. Proletariat or bourgeoisie?
    If her dad is an oil tycoon and you love to tell people about the 12 jobs you had in high school to pay for your ’84 Camaro, chances are she won’t find the cramped studio apartment and college loan debt attractive. Leave the “class struggle” dating stories for Harlequin romance novels.
  7. Are her friends cool, and more importantly, will they think I’m cool?
    If she can’t seem to make a decision without consulting her entourage, or if you think her friends are of suspect character, be wary. That said, don’t be above directing a little genuine kindness at her friends.
  8. Do I like the way she looks?
    Seems like a no-brainer. If you haven’t met her in person, try to check out a good photo and act accordingly. Don’t try to be the noble, heroic “I’m above caring about looks” kind of guy. Find someone whose looks you enjoy and enjoy them.
  9. Is she vegetarian?
    This is a logistical issue. If your idea of a fun date is to throw some dead animal flesh on the grill, and she would rather toss a salad, smoke a clove cigarette, and listen to Cat Stevens records, you have a problem.
  10. What is she looking for?
    Is she looking for a life partner or just someone with whom she can watch tractor pulls and write poetry? Try to discern her motives and act accordingly, being careful not to take advantage.