1. The Mysterious Ellipsis
The ellipsis bubble, which allows us to see when the other person is replying to your text is one of the worst offenders. Instead of waiting for the person to call you back, like in the good old days, you’re faced with a bubble icon that makes you wonder, “Why have they been typing for 10 minutes when I just asked them where they would like to go for brunch?”
2. Punctuation paranoia
Make the wrong choice in punctuation and your message has the potential to come off as passive aggressive or downright scary. When I read “See you soon!” it says “I’m excited to see you and might bring flowers!” which is completely different than “See you soon….” which makes me think if you do actually show up, I might catch you peering into my windows before you ring the doorbell.
3. Emoticon Overload
When it comes to emoticons, the line between “cute” and “bizarre and creepy” is a fine one. A smile or a wink here and there can take a regular conversation to sweetly flirty new heights. But, adding a wink or a smile to every sentence makes me feel like you’re possibly up to something and I’m just completely missing the innuendo.
4. The Libido Killing LOL
Sure, a LOL here and there is fine when something is legitimately laugh out loud funny, however I find that some people use it like a nervous tick. “Hey, it’s me lol. Would you like to go for brunch lol lol?”
5. The Call to Text Dodge
When the confusion finally gets the best of me and I call them to clarify what they really mean and they don’t pick up, instead responding with another text, this makes me want to pull my hair out. They just mentioned they were at home eating pizza and watching House of Cards! Did they lose their phone over the course of 10 seconds? I just want to find out about brunch plans!
6. The Text Pick Up
Knocking on your front door has been replaced with the “Here” text, which feels like a widespread and socially acceptable version of that guy you dated in high school who’d honk his horn when he came to pick you up. Goodbye romance, it was nice knowing you.