GOOD LUCK WITH THIS _ Saturday is Hug Your Cat Day.

Former Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer has bid $2 billion for the Clippers. David Geffen bid $1.6 billion. ESPN claims the Sterlings may have to pay $662 million in capital gains taxes

Casey Kasem’s wife Jean has been ordered to appear in a Washington court today to answer questions about his care. His family is concerned because he is suffering from Parkinson’s disease

Some tourists on the 103rd floor of Chicago’s Willis Tower . . . a.k.a., The Sears Tower . . . freaked out on Wednesday when the glass floor they were standing on appeared to SHATTER under their feet.  It turns out it DIDN’T shatter though.  There’s a protective coating around it that prevents scratches, and THAT’s what shattered. 

CBC News claims Toronto Mayor Rob Ford celebrated his 45th birthday at an Ontario bar on Wednesday despite being in rehab. He and his two children drank diet soda during dinner.

THE MOST EFFICIENT WAY TO HOLD AND EAT A BURGER – Japanese researchers have discovered the perfect way to eat a hamburger. Three “experts in fluid mechanics, engineering, and density” say thumbs and pinkies on the bottom, middle three fingers on top. The uniformly spread fingers help keep the burger together at all times, thus keeping the contents from mushing out preemptively.

BANKER SENDS POLICE DRUNK-DRIVING PICS- A 29-year-old banker in China decided to taunt police from his BMW. He decided it would be fun to beam out images of his reckless driving. One had him holding a beer. It was accompanied by the text: “Is it unlawful to drive while drinking?” Another caption offered: “Do you really think ten beers is too much to drive with?” He posted the images on China’s equivalent of Facebook. Police caught up with his car. Though he allegedly claims the beer bottle in the image was empty and he was only having fun, he has been charged with numerous traffic violations.

The average diet fails within 59 hours, according to a new survey.  That means if you start your diet with breakfast on Monday morning, odds are you’ll have given up by dinner on Wednesday.  38% of women say they start about 12 diets a year that fail.

A 23-year-old guy was driving through a safari park in England recently, and dropped his phone.  Park officials told him to stay inside his car, but eventually returned it.  When they did, the guy realized an ELEPHANT had accidentally taken a SELFIE on it.  Seriously.

A service dog pooped on a U.S. Airways flight from L.A. to Philly the other day . . . right in the middle of the aisle.  It didn’t help that takeoff had been delayed for two hours because of a fuel spill.  But after the crew cleaned it up, it pooped AGAIN.  So they diverted the flight to Missouri.

DOWNLOAD THIS APP – Misplace your phone? To save you from frantically searching under sofa cushions and in bags, someone has created an iOS app called Marco Polo that turns this potentially stressful situation into a fun game of find-and-seek. Like the classic summer pool game, simply shout “Marco!” and your phone will respond with “Polo!” You can shout as many times as you need to locate your phone — it’ll keep responding until you find it. ‘ app link

IN THEATERS – Maleficent (PG) and A Million Ways to Die in the West (R).